Reprioritizing

Being in school while having a little one at home waiting for you can really be a bummer sometimes. The other day I spent literally all day on campus doing an assignment that was due. Every three or so hours Brent would bring Brinley to me so I could feed her. Other than that I was completely disconnected from my family. What an awful feeling. I got home that night and just wanted to hold those two as tight as I could. But I couldn't. I still had too much to do.

I just have 2 more months left of school and often feel like I need to just power through it and dedicate as much as possible to it. But then there are days like today and I question myself. Spending all this time at school is for what cost? I had some time alone with Brinley today. We turned on some music and danced around our house. This was one of our greatest moments ever. She laughed and smiled with her mouth wide open the entire time. What a drastic difference from the other day. I felt so much joy in her laugh. I knew that she needed me just as much as I needed her in that moment.

I often try to get a foot into every door and end up spreading myself to thin. I then just end up shutting down and become a part of nothing and don't want to do anything. I don't want to keep bringing this on myself. So today I have a new conviction. Wherever I am, I want to be there. When I am at home with my family, I want to be there for them. I want to better recognize the happiness they bring to me and live in the moment. On the other hand, when I am at school I want to be there. Lately when in class I sit there and zone out and watch the clock like a hawk. So what is the point of even being there? I may as well make the best of these next couple months and learn everything I can while the opportunity is there. The same thing goes for everything I do.

I am hoping that doing this will help me to feel more balanced. After all isn't that what it is all about? I can't just completely give up on school, but on the other hand I can't just forget about everything else for the next couple months. I just need to find my own balance between them.

I need to say thanks to Brent for putting up with me. You are the greatest support I could ask for. I am the luckiest girl ever. I love you to the moon and back!

Christa