First a thought on courage from the movie We Bought a Zoo:
I love that. Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise you something great will come of it. I feel like this is the way I have found my courage. It comes in bursts, and isn't always there, but every so often I have had 20 seconds of insane courage and done something that was hard for me. And I am still hoping that something great will come of it.
Here is how I am doing.
Courage to do what is right:
I have done well in some ways and not in others. I still haven't been to the temple and now it is march. I blamed January on it being closed, but it wasn't closed at all in February. It's because February is only 28 days long, right? Or something like that.
I have had days of great scripture study and days where it hasn't happened at all. I need to do better.
Courage to learn:
I didn't finish 2 books in February. Probably because I decided to start reading 5 books at once and have only finished 1 of them. Does that mean when I am done with all 5 that can count for 2 and a half months?
I have found a few seconds of courage to learn new things and to ask questions. But I want to learn more. I keep telling myself that once our house is in better order (and I finally finish painting all our trim) that I will be able to focus on learning one new thing a month like I said I would. Foolish foolish. There is always something that will be in the way. If I keep waiting nothing will ever happen.
Courage to teach my children:
In someways I have really been enjoying this. I have been trying for months to teach Brinley her letters to no avail. She just didn't care. But it seems like the last few weeks she has really picked up on it, and it is so rewarding to see her get excited when she sees a "G" on a sign or a "B" on the cereal box. I am realizing as a parent that you can try to teach your children, but if they aren't ready to hear what you are saying they aren't going to get anything out of it. All of the sudden Brinley was just ready for whatever reason and her learning has taken off. These are the things we live for.
I have been the opposite of patient. I know it, and my kids can feel it. Working on it...
Courage to make new friends:
This has been the hardest thing for me lately. We had amazing friends in Mississippi who I miss so much. Starting over is hard, especially when you don't feel like you can invite anyone over to your house because it has been in such a state of disaray. Basically the only time I see other women who I could connect with has been at church, and for the last month and a half we have missed church a lot of because of sick kids, going out of town, stake conference, etc. What do you do to connect with other people and build relationships?
I just joined a new book club that I am looking forward to getting to know people in my neighborhood. it's a start.
Courage to be happy:
In the recent LDS General Conference Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.
The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.
We do matter. We determine our happiness.
You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness."
Reading this has been my best reminder to take charge of my own happiness. And some days I actually remember:)
Overall I feel like in a lot of ways I have done well and I have tried to have courage. Sometimes I just flat out don't have it, and sometimes it just isn't in the forefront of my mind and I forget all about it. I have a couple of ideas of things I am going to try to do this week to help remind me to have courage.